it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
