I'm so fucking centered right now
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize