Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
