I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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