I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
