Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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