As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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