this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
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I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
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I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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