My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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