I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
