If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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