By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
