I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
