i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
