fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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