I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
