Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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