WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
