Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
