I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
