I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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