the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
