fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i think i have two assholes
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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