Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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