I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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