she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
