Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
