u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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