Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
