We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
