I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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