between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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