Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
