Someone shit on the floor
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
