Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
