even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
