when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize