found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
