Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
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the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
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Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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