Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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