I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
God, I missed his penis.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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