I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
