its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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