They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
