You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
