i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
