I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
3 2 1 whiskey
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
