3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
