it's not cheating when I paid for it
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
