He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
