So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
