I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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