Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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