I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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