There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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