Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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