Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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