She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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