she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
