He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
