i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
