Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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