Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
