I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
