I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
