I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
