C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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