When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
