This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
