Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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