walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
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"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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