I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Are we still banned from the library?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
