I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
