my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
