I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
