All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
