Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
