Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
