Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
