So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
