I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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