Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
