You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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