You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
