i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
