I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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