her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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