just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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