dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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