you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize