You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
