Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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