Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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