do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
