Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
God, I missed his penis.
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