we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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