he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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