I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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