I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
