I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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